Another Type of Loss

October 2012 was hard.  A lot of stuff happened culminating in my father passing away from prostate cancer.

I was so lucky that my sister was able to spend time with him before he passed, and then with me, afterwards.  I am lucky that I got to spend over a year helping to care for my father and he basically got to see the change in me step by step.

I know it made him smile when I complained about trying to run and he would tell me to keep doing it because it was good for me.

I know he was really proud of me and my siblings, his grand kids and how we are living our lives.

I now know that if I am feeling really sad or stressed that going for a walk or a run is a better fix than stuffing my face.

In a while when we are ready, we are going spread his ashes at a place called Duck Reach.  We lived there for a while when I was really young and he loved the water and the bush there.  He would also get a kick out of knowing that to go visit "him" we have to walk up and down over 100 really steep steps.  RIP Papa.

Got My Mojo Back!

This is the sixth week of Round 3 of 12WBT.  It's my 18th week and after a bit of a lull, I seem to have my mojo back.  I think my inner teen was raging against going straight from one round into the next with no time to "treat" myself or have a "break" from the program.  My back problem made my inner grumpy old woman complain that I was really too old to be doing all this silly stuff like trying to run.

What has kept me going is Mish's voice in my head saying JFDI.  Every day my new thinness brings a new surprise.  I am beginning to wonder when I will become used to this new body I am in.  At first it was being able to bend and tie my laces while being able to take a breath.  Then it was being able to climb stairs and be able to breathe.  Now it's the feel.  A pointy elbow.  My biceps starting to have some definition. My shoulder blades hitting against a chair back.  My 40 plus pound overcoat has gone and no treat or break is going to be better than that.  In 1.4 kilos I will weigh less than I have for 20 years.  It's usually at this point, just slightly about my healthy BMI, that I fall out of the weight loser zone and the coat starts to creep back on.

There seems to be no sign of that happening this time.

Tonight I ran just under 5 kms in around 35 minutes.  It wasn't non stop.  I didn't push myself really hard.  I felt light on my feet and comfortable most of the time.  As I was running I thought, I can't wait for how good it's going to feel when there is even less of me to carry.

I have had a bad back.  I didn't hurt it exercising.  I hurt it standing.  A couple of weeks ago I went on a hike with friends and then went home to shower before spending the next 4 hours helping at a charity BBQ.  It was aching a little while I was there and after dinner it was really hurting.  I put heat packs on it, rubbed it and finally had a couple of painkillers.

The next morning I could hardly get out of bed.  I couldn't stand straight or sit down .. very inconvenient first thing in the morning.  This was all made a little trickier by the fact that I was meant to be dancing later that day with a group of mums.  I am not a dancer btw.  Its just a fun thing we do once a year.  Still I had to be able to lift my legs and bend a little.  Icing it and rubbing it with deep heat and taking strong pain killers got me through.

This week I have been slowly getting back to running a little and my back is feeling lots better.  It was a bit of  a wake up call on taking my body for granted.  Pencil in more stretching and longer warm ups for this old duck from now on.

Today is the second day in this decade that I have weighed under 70 kilos.  I announced yesterday on several of the 12 wbt groups I belong to that I had reached a new lower decade on the scales, and was praised for my hard work.  I have to say I felt like a bit of a fraud.  It doesn't feel like hard work.  It does feel like I have been doing it forever but it does feel like I could work harder if I needed to.  Who knew exercising a little every day would be so effective... *eye roll*

I left it until today to blog because yesterday's 69.9 may not have stayed.  This morning it was 69.7.  I have another 2.5 kilos to lose to make it a loss of 50 pounds and I am aiming to hit 65 kilos - my penultimate goal by mid November.

The third round finale of 12 wbt is being held in Sydney on November 19.   I'm going!!  Apart from doing some shopping to celebrate, I have booked in with a group of other 12wbters and my sister to do this:

Sydney Harbor Bridge Express Climb

I am not thinking too hard about it or my fear of heights at the moment.

So...  I stink at blogging.  My major downfall is starting and creating a back story.  So... I have decided to not do that.  No back story... Just ramblings about this weight loss trip. Please forgive me. I will leave the earlier attempts up and just wade in.  I may backfill as we go on


So far I have lost 22 kilos.  12 of them doing Michelle Bridges 12 week body transformation.

92 kilos down to 70.1 kilos as of this morning.

I am a daily weigher!!  So shoot me I can't help myself.

Random stuff I have noticed since being on this trip. (tried typing jour.. journ... I just can't do it sorry)

Bones:  I have them in my bottom.  It will not be long before I need a cushion.

Muscles: I have them.  After boot camp I find them in places I didn't know existed. I am working on finding my abs.  I know they are there somewhere.

Chipmunk Cheeks: Well jowls really.  I thought they were a part of the aging process and that I frowned too much.  Well they aren't.  They were fat.  Hey there jawline... it's nice to see you again.

Food: I really, really didn't like vegetables before.  Now I do. OMG!

Running: I can do it.  Sometimes.  This C25K thing. It's meant to take a few months.  It seems to be taking longer but I can run now.  Slowly.

Skin: and hair... are a lot better if you eat properly.

Sugar: I can do without you.  I used to love your sweetness but no longer. 

Challenges: I am accepting them now.  I have gotten past worrying about failing.  I don't have to be the best at everything.  I don't have to be the best at ANYTHING.  I can have fun doing though. 

Now here is where I should put some interesting anecdote or  rounding out of the piece.  Not going to.  I need to go have some calories and hopefully I will be back sooner than in three months time.

And so it continues...

At the end of May 2012 I signed up for Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation Program. www.12wbt.com  It is an online program that takes you through goal setting, mind sets, training and eating.

The actual program started on June 4

I worked through the preseason tasks.  The first one was Get Real - No More Excuses.  Michelle's task was to address all the excuses I use for getting out of exercise.  I excel at self sabotage and here are some of my excuses for not exercising.

Internal Excuses
I will look stupid.
I will get hot.
It will hurt.
I will sweat and I don't like sweating.
I will have to shower and change afterwards.
It will hurt.
I should be doing something else.

External Excuses
I will make too much noise and annoy my family.
I am too busy running the kids around.
My family need me to be available.


Preseason weight was 182.6 pounds (83 kilos)

Now 5 weeks in to the program, I have learned that I quite like sweating and am now pretty used to looking stupid.  I run on my treadmill but also in the dark on the streets.  I can run 600 metres now non stop.  It took more than 6 months of continuing at it for the running thing to click.  It really is a mind thing.   I was late for my walk group meeting and was running to make it in time when I realized... "Oh I am running!"  Running without thinking how much it hurt and how much I needed to stop.  As soon as I realized the old "you cant run" anthem started.  Now I know its a lie so I can keep going for a little longer.

I have learned that hurting is not a bad thing.  Realizing that some pain in exertion is not going to kill me has been the result of removing one layer of cotton wool at a time.  I am still a sook but learning to suck it up more and more each week.

I have learned that I can do this around my family and schedule.  A missed exercise session can be made up.   I have learned that I can do other things more easily if I look after myself.

My current weight is 172 pounds (78.3 kilos) and I have moved from BMI rating of obese into overweight.